Sometimes It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. Quite the opposite. I feel tremendously blessed and have made so many precious memories. But, man, am I tired. Last night, I returned home after leaving two grandkids in Philadelphia and delivering two more to Mechanicsburg. From there, I still had to get gas (I like to play the game of seeing if I can make it home before running out), grab groceries, unload my car, do laundry, shower, and get to bed at a decent hour—especially since the grands were up at 6 a.m. each morning! I was supposed to wake up Monday morning recharged and ready to take on the world, or at least Mifflin and Juniata Counties.

Regretfully, that’s not how it went down. I was so keyed up from driving and being on high Nana alert that I thought I’d crash on the couch and watch a little Netflix to unwind. Oh, no—that would be too easy. The Netflix app didn’t work! My first thought was, “You have got to be kidding me! I’m finally on the couch, and the app isn’t working. What is this cruelty I’m forced to endure?” After a 20-minute phone conversation with Netflix, I still didn’t have a working app. At that point, I decided to cut my losses, call it a day, and head to bed (after folding two loads of laundry). I should have collapsed into an immediate, exhausted sleep, but no dice. I was too worked up to fall asleep. I tossed and turned, watched the clock, and finally finished the night on the couch.

I wish I could tell you that I awoke, sprang from my bed with a smile, skipped to the window to listen to the birds singing, all while watching the deer prancing through my yard (actually, that part is true; there was a deer in my backyard), just like a Disney movie, but that would be untrue. I woke up tired and grumpy.

Upon arriving at work, I exchanged polite “How was your weekend?” greetings with my coworker. God love her—she had no idea what was about to spill out when she asked me how mine was. I began with, “I’m not okay.” She patiently listened without judgment or condemnation, and for that, I am thankful. Everything that was pent up inside came tumbling out. Just releasing the words made me feel so much better. What an incredible privilege to have coworkers and friends like that.

Too often, we dismiss others’ feelings by urging them to focus on the positive instead of the negative. In doing so, we invalidate their emotions and experiences. This can prevent them from being open and honest when they are hurting. Sometimes, we need to purge the negative, and it is a blessing to have someone willing to listen and understand that you’re not unthankful—just presently “not okay.”

Let this be a lesson for all of us to be mindful of those around us who are “not okay” and to strive to be good listeners and encouragers. Notice I didn’t say fixers. Often, we think we must solve the problem when all they need is someone to care enough to listen. We also need to recognize that we cannot do everything. Our bodies and minds need rest, and sometimes the best answer is, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

To quote the Christian rapper Derek Minor, “Sometimes we just gotta be honest. Let the whole world know we need a break. It’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay.”

Note:  It’s okay not to be okay sometimes.  We all go through tough moments, and it’s important to acknowledge and embrace our feelings.  However, if you find that these feelings persist and start affecting your daily life, please consider seeking help.  There are resources and people available who can support you!

Rhonda S. Kelley, Executive Director

Juniata River Valley Chamber of Commerce